This is brilliant! This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline. Needless to say the helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for termination "without cause".

Actual dialogue of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:

Tech Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Tech Support: "What sort of trouble?"

Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Tech Support: "Went away?"

Customer: "They disappeared."

Tech Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Customer: "Nothing."

Tech Support: "Nothing?"

Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Tech Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Customer: "How do I tell?"

Tech Support: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Tech Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Tech Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Customer:"What's a monitor?"

Tech Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Customer:"I don't know."

Tech Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Customer: "Yes, I think so."

Tech Support: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Customer: ".....Yes, it is."

Tech Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Customer:"....... Okay, here it is."

Tech Support: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Customer: "I can't reach."

Tech Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Customer: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

Tech Support: "Dark?"

Customer:"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Tech Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Customer: "I can't."

Tech Support: "No? Why not?"

Customer: "Because there's a power outage."

Tech Support: "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Tech Support: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Tech Support: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Tech Support: "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."

If there is no menu on the left side of the screen, you need to click here to activate the menu.