The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (These are *real*)

* Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed

* Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

* Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

* Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

* How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

* How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life

* I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

* I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

* I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me

* I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart

* I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

* I Wanna Whip Your Cow

* I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck

* I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

* I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy

* I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life

* I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised

* I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart

* I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line

* If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

* If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low

* If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You

* If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

* If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

* Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

* My Every Day Silver Is Plastic

* My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart

* My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Himtt * Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You

* Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill

* She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft

* She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

* She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

* She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty

* Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone

* They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out

* Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

* When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In

* You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too

* You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd

* You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat

* You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life

* You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

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