Thuh Bull, Vol. 2, No. 3 - Page 15, The Guy's Page
what men say | what men mean |
I'm hungry. | I'm hungry. |
I'm sleepy. | I'm sleepy. |
I'm tired. | I'm tired. |
Can I call you some time? | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
Can I take you out to dinner? | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
Do you want to see a movie? | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
Would you like to dance? | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
What time is it? | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
Would you loan me a paper clip? | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
You're fat! | And if you stay that way, I wouldn't eventually like to have sex with you. |
Nice dress! | Nice cleavage! |
What's wrong? | What meaningless, self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? |
Yeah, that looks good on you | Pick any freaking dress and let's get the heck outta here now! |
I'm going out with the boys to see if I can get relaxed | I'm going out with the boys to see if I can get lucky! |
No, I want to stay home with you tonight | Because Monday Night Football comes on in 15 minutes. |
Sure, I love foreplay | As long as it doesn't last any longer than it takes to pronounce it. |
Yes, I love your new hair do | What freaking new hair do? |
Yes, I love your new hair do | Who did it? Stevie Wonder? |
Let's just chat for awhile | I'm just trying to impress you and then maybe I'd eventually you'd like to have sex with me. |
Will you marry me? | I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. |
Of course I don't look at other women! | I think the word 'stare' would be more appropriate. |
That blouse looks great on you! | And it would look even better off you! |
Of course I'll respect you in the morning | But call you? That's entirely out of the question. |
I like your approach. | Now I would like to see your departure. |
from other sources (I don't remember)
what men say | what men mean |
I'm tired. | I'm tired. |
I'm going fishing. | I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety. |
Have you lost weight? | I've just spent our last $200 on a really good cordless drill. |
You cook just like my mother used to. | She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too. |
Take a break, honey, you're working too hard. | I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner. |
It's a really good movie. | It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and bare breasts. |
I try to help out a lot around the house. | I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket. |
I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys. | I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, pre-evolutionary companions. |
I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are. | No one will ever see us alive again. |
It's really good beer. | It's cold, and it was on sale. |
Uh huh, OR Sure, honey, OR Yes, dear. | Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling. |
and from even more other sources (I don't remember)
what men say | what men mean |
That's women's work. | It's difficult, dirty and thankless. |
I was thinking about you, and got you these roses. | The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe. |
It's a guy thing. | There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical. |
Can I help with dinner? | Why isn't it already on the table? |
It would take too long to explain. | I have no idea how it works. |
We're going to be late. | Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac. |
That's interesting, Dear. | Are you still talking? |
Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love. | I forgot our anniversary again. |
You expect too much of me. | You want me to stay awake. |
You know how bad my memory is. | I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday. |
Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal. | I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt. |
Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing. | And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon. |
I heard you. | I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me. |
You look terrific. | Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving. |
I missed you. | I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper. |
We share the housework. | I make the messes, she cleans them up. |
This relationship is getting too serious. | I like you more than my truck. |
I don't need to read the instructions. | I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help. |
I'll fix the garbage disposal later. | If I wait long enough, you'll get frustrated and buy a new one. |
Can I take you out to dinner? | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
You look tense, let me give you a massage. | I want to fondle you. |
What's wrong? | I don't see why you are making such a big deal about this. |
What's wrong? | I guess sex tonight is out of the question. |
I'm bored. | Do you want to have sex? |
I love you. | Let's have sex now. |
I love you, too. | Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now! |
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. | I liked it better before. |
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. | $50 and it doesn't look that much different! |
Let's talk. | I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. |
(while shopping) I like that one better. | Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! |
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together. | I am gay. |
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