Thuh Bull, Vol. 2, No. 3 - Page 15, The Guy's Page

 what men say  what men mean
 I'm hungry.  I'm hungry.
 I'm sleepy.  I'm sleepy.
 I'm tired.  I'm tired.
 Can I call you some time?  I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
 Can I take you out to dinner?  I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
 Do you want to see a movie?  I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
 Would you like to dance?  I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
 What time is it?  I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
 Would you loan me a paper clip?  I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
 You're fat!  And if you stay that way, I wouldn't eventually like to have sex with you.
 Nice dress!  Nice cleavage!
 What's wrong?  What meaningless, self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
 Yeah, that looks good on you  Pick any freaking dress and let's get the heck outta here now!
 I'm going out with the boys to see if I can get relaxed  I'm going out with the boys to see if I can get lucky!
 No, I want to stay home with you tonight  Because Monday Night Football comes on in 15 minutes.
 Sure, I love foreplay  As long as it doesn't last any longer than it takes to pronounce it.
 Yes, I love your new hair do  What freaking new hair do?
 Yes, I love your new hair do  Who did it? Stevie Wonder?
 Let's just chat for awhile  I'm just trying to impress you and then maybe I'd eventually you'd like to have sex with me.
 Will you marry me?  I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
 Of course I don't look at other women!  I think the word 'stare' would be more appropriate.
 That blouse looks great on you!  And it would look even better off you!
 Of course I'll respect you in the morning  But call you? That's entirely out of the question.
 I like your approach.  Now I would like to see your departure.

from other sources (I don't remember)

 what men say  what men mean
 I'm tired.  I'm tired.
 I'm going fishing.  I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.
 Have you lost weight?  I've just spent our last $200 on a really good cordless drill.
 You cook just like my mother used to.  She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too.
 Take a break, honey, you're working too hard.  I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
 It's a really good movie.  It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and bare breasts.
 I try to help out a lot around the house.  I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.
 I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys.  I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, pre-evolutionary companions.
 I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are.  No one will ever see us alive again.
 It's really good beer.  It's cold, and it was on sale.
 Uh huh, OR Sure, honey, OR Yes, dear.  Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

and from even more other sources (I don't remember)

 what men say  what men mean
 That's women's work.  It's difficult, dirty and thankless.
 I was thinking about you, and got you these roses.  The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.
 It's a guy thing.  There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.
 Can I help with dinner?  Why isn't it already on the table?
 It would take too long to explain.  I have no idea how it works.
 We're going to be late.  Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.
 That's interesting, Dear.  Are you still talking?
 Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love.  I forgot our anniversary again.
 You expect too much of me.  You want me to stay awake.
 You know how bad my memory is.  I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.
 Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal.  I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt.
 Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing.  And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.
 I heard you.  I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me.
 You look terrific.  Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving.
 I missed you.  I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper.
 We share the housework.  I make the messes, she cleans them up.
 This relationship is getting too serious.  I like you more than my truck.
 I don't need to read the instructions.  I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.
 I'll fix the garbage disposal later.  If I wait long enough, you'll get frustrated and buy a new one.
 Can I take you out to dinner?  I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
 You look tense, let me give you a massage.  I want to fondle you.
 What's wrong?  I don't see why you are making such a big deal about this.
 What's wrong?  I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
 I'm bored.  Do you want to have sex?
 I love you.  Let's have sex now.
 I love you, too.  Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
 Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.  I liked it better before.
 Yes, I like the way you cut your hair.  $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
 Let's talk.  I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
 (while shopping) I like that one better.  Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!
 I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together.  I am gay.

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