Q: What do you give the blonde that has everything?
A: Penicillin

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde drives down the street with her head out the window?
A: Refueling.

Q: What do blondes and pies have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: They are both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but you never see them.

Q: What is the difference between Big Foot and a smart blonde?
A: There have been confirmed sightings of Big Foot.

Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A: It's the one with the kickstand.

Q: What do four blondes have in common?
A: Nothing they can think of.

Q: What do blondes say after making love?
A: Are you guys all on the same team?

Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
A: She opens the car door.

Q: Why do blondes write T.G.I.F. on their shoes?
A: Toes Goes In First.

Q: Why do blondes write T.G.I.F. on their shirts?
A: This Goes In Front.

Q: Why did God give blondes one more brain cell than horses?
A: So they don't crap on the street during parades!

Q: What do you call a blonde with 1/2 a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: Hear about the blonde athlete?
A: She'd give her right arm to be ambidextrous.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who lost 85% of her brains?
A: Her husband died.

Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?
A: Blow her in her ear.

Q: How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
A: Lay a brick and it won't follow you around.

Q: What do turtles and blondes have in common?
A: If they're on their back, they're screwed!

Q: What is the advantage of being married to a blonde?
A: You can park in the handicapped zone.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on a Monday morning?
A: Tell her the joke on Friday afternoon.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday night?
A: Tell her a joke on Monday.

Q: How can you tell that a blonde have a bad day?
A: She has a tampoon behind her ear, and god knows were the pencil is.

Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a brunette wig?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair black?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why is it so difficult for a blonde to get a driver's license?
A: They can't reach the pedals from the back seat.

Q: Did you hear about the depressed blonde at the drivers license bureau?
A: She was upset because she got an 'F' in sex.

Q: Why did the blonde put seeds in her bra?
A: She wanted implants.

Q: What do you call three blondes standing shoulder to shoulder, ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What does a Blonde do first thing in the morning?
A: Gets dressed and goes home.

Q: What do you call a blonde with an I.Q. of 250?
A: A crowd.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde going to California?
A: She saw a sign that said "California Left" so she went home.

Q: Did you hear about the three blondes that were driving to Disneyland?
A: They saw a sign that said "Disneyland left" so they turned around and went home.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who was going to the airport?
A: She saw a sign that said "Airport Left," so she turned around and went home.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who only smelled good on the right side?
A: She didn't know where to buy "left guard".

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They don't know the recipe.

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: I hope it's mine!

Q: Why did the blonde keep driving around the block?
A: Her turn signal was stuck.

Q: What did the blonde yell in an emergency?
A: "What is the number of 911?"

Q: Why can't Blondes dial 911?
A: They cannot find the eleven on the phone!

Q: Why don't blondes drink milk?
A: The cow keeps falling on them.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she wanted to become a Jehovah Witness?
A: Gee, I didn't see the accident.

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
A: She kept throwing away all of the W's!

Q: Did you hear aboout the only job for blondes at the candy factory?
A: Proofreading the M&M's?

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Q: What do you call 2 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted flakes.

Q: What do you call a group of blondes standing in a circle, holding hands?
A: A dope ring.

Q: What do you call a group of blondes standing in a row?
A: Wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call ten blondes in a swimming pool?
A: An air pocket.

Q: What do you call a blonde on a college campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: What to you call a basement full of blondes? A: A whine cellar.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Give her a pack of M&M's and tell her to put them in alphabetical order.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 100 - 1 to make the batter, and 99 to peel the M&Ms.

Q: Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little package.

Q: Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders?
A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing their from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know?" whenever you ask them a question.

Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

Q: Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower?
A: The green "Welcome" mat is ripped all to shreds.

Q: Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
A: To see what's on the other side.

Q: How do blondes commit suicide?
A: They put spikes on their shoulder pads.

Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
A: The brunette. The blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.

Q: If a Blonde, an "X" wife and an attorney fell out of an airplane which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an airplane?
A: The Black Box ALWAYS tells the truth.

Q: Why don't blondes like pickles?
A: They keep getting their head stuck in the jar.

Q: What is a blondes' mating call?
A: Oh, I'm soooooo drunk!

Q: What is a brunettes mating call?
A: Have all the blonde's gone home?

Q: What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes?
A: An Interpreter.

Q: How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer?
A: There is whiteout all over the monitor screen.

Q: How can you tell if she has been back to the computer?
A: Writing on the whiteout.

Q: What's similar about Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and Smart Blondes?
A: They are all make-believe.

Q: If Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde were standing together and someone dropped a $100 bill in front of them, who would pick it up?
A: The dumb blonde...there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, or a smart blonde.

Q: Why do blondes like the GST?
A: It's the only thing they can spell.

Q: What did the blonde say when the job interviewer asked "Please spell your name?"
A: "Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E."

Q: How do you change a blondes mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: Why did 18 blondes go to the R-rated movie?
A: Because they heard that under 17 was not admitted.

Q: Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: The winner of a Hide and Seek game.

Q: What goes "VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM SCREECH!"
A: A blonde at a flashing red light!

Q: Why can't blondes use birth control pills?
A: They keep falling out.

Q: What happened to the Blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
A: She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.

Q: How does a blonde hemophiliac cure herself?
A: With acupuncture!

Q: Why does a blonde eat beans on Saturday?
A: So she can take a bubble bath on Sunday.

Q: What do you call a blonde driving a car?
A: An Air Bag.

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100 -- 1 to screw it in and 99 to say I can do that.

Q: How does a blonde screw in a lightbulb?
A: She holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

Q: What did the blonde say when she opened the box of cheerios?
A: Oh look! Doughnut seeds!

Q: How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave.

Q: How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves?
A: Fell out of the tree.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink?
A: Because that's where you wash vegetables.

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

Q: What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run! She's got a grenade in her mouth!

Q: Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
A: To keep her neck warm.

Q: What did the blonde call her pet Zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: Why was the blonde delighted when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in 11 months?
A: Because the box said 2 to 4 years.

Q: What's the difference between a miniature circus and a group of blondes?
A: The circus is an array of cunning stunts!

Q: Did you hear about the Blonde who won a gold medal?
A: She was so proud that she had it bronzed.

Q: Why do blondes prefer tilt steering?
Q: Because of all that extra head-room.

Q: Why are Blonde's coffins shaped like a triangle?
Q: Because everytime their head hits a pillow their legs open.

Q: What do you call a blonde with pig tails?
Q: A blow job with handlebars.

Q: What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg?
Q: Between you and me, we can make a lot of money.

Q: How do you know if a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: What thoughts do Blondes have after reading these jokes?
A: None, as usual...and they most likely didn't understand them either.

Q: What do you call a blonde in leather jacket?
A: A rebel without a clue!

Q: What can strike a blonde without them even knowing it?
A: A thought.

Q: What do you see when you look deep into the eyes of a blonde?
A: The back of her head.

Q: How did the Blonde die ice fishing?
A: She got run over by the Zamboni.

Q: Why did the Blonde stare at a can of frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said concentrate.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

Q: How do you get a Blonde on the roof?
Q: Tell her the drinks are on the house.

Q: Why did the blonde pleasure herself with a bottle of wine.
A: She wanted a cork screw.

Q: Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

Q: Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

Q: What do you call an eternity?
A: Four Blondes at a four way stop.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde give head?
A: She could never get her lips over the guy's ears.

Q: Why did the blonde climb the chain link fence?
A: So she could see what was on the other side.

Q: What's the worst blonde joke of all time?
A: Dan Quayle.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: When you lap the mosquito, it stops sucking.

The blonde looks up at the sky and says "where?"

The blonde looked left, looked right, then shouted, "You are on the other side!"

"I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

"In that case," replied his blonde patient, "I'll come back when you are sober."

"I can't play fetch with my dog," the blonde said.

"Why not?" the doctor asked.

"Because," she replied, "He can't throw."

Brunette: Last night I had 3 orgasms in a row!

Blonde: That's nothing. Last night I had over a hundred.

Brunette: My God! I had no idea he was that good.

Blonde: (looking shocked) Oh, you mean with one guy.

The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi thought a moment, then answered, "that was the decision George Washington had to make when he decided to cross the Delaware."

He looks at the results and says, "Whoa! Looks like you downed a couple of stiff ones."

"Wow!" she replied, "I thought those things only detected alcohol!"

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat, which was hiding in the grass.

She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to WAL-MART!

Why WAL-MART, you ask???

HELLOOOOOOOOO!

WALMART is the largest retailer in the world!!!

No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this".

She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?"

The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it!

"Hi Mom, How are you?"

"Hi Sally, where are you? I thought you were with your father at the Ace Hardware."

"Yeah we were, but I got arrested, and they've let me make one phone call".

"What happened?"

"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the head."

"What on earth ~ why did you do that?"

"Well it wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black & Decker.

Two women were having lunch together, and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery.

The first woman said, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."

The second woman responded, "Oh, that's nothing. I'm thinking of having my asshole bleached!"

"Whoa," replied the first woman. "I just can't picture your husband as a blonde!"

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