A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing is even moving." He notices a police officer walking between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed that Hillary wants to leave him that he stopped his motorcade and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers for that whole Monica thing. Right now I'm just walking around taking up a collection for him".

"Well, that's nice. How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only about forty gallons --- but there's a lot of folks still siphoning."

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