Princess Die
Tonight we could all memorialise the sainted Mother Teresa and the beloved Princess Diana by eating curry and then sticking our fingers down our throats.
Q: What does Princess Di turn into at midnight?
A: The wall.
Q: What was Princess Di's favorite cocktail?
A: Harvey Wallbangers with a couple of chasers.
Q: What's the difference between a Mercedes and a Porsche?
A: Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Porsche.
Q: What's the difference between a Mercedes and a Volvo?
A: Diana wouldn't be seen dead in a Volvo!
Q: Why is Nancy Reagan miffed at Princess Di?
A: Because Diana gets to wear the next Versace collection before Nancy does.
Q: What do you get a princess that has everything?
A: A seatbelt and an airbag.
Q: What's the one thing that attracts Diana more than a wealthy Egyptian?
A: A solidly built Pole.
Q: What's the difference between Mother Theresa and Princess Diana?
A: 5 days.
Q: Why was Elton John invited to the funeral?
A: So at least one old queen would be seen crying in public.
Q: Why did Elton John sing at the funeral?
A: Because he's the only queen who cares.
Q: Why did Elton John perform at the funeral?
A: The Crash Test Dummies were unavailable.
Q: What do George Burns and Princess Diana have in common?
A: They both died when they hit 100.
Q: Why didn't Princess Diana return to London?
A: She thought she would crash in Paris.
Q: Did you hear Princess Di was on the radio?
A: She was also on the dashboard, on the seat, etc.....
Q: What's harder than getting red wine off carpeting?
A: Getting Diana off the upholstery.
Q: What does DIANA stand for?
A: Died In A Nasty Accident!
Q: What did Princess Diana die of? A: Car-pole-tunnel syndrome.
Q: Prince Charles was out early the other day walking the dog.
A: When a passer-by said "Morning", Charles said "No, just walking the dog."
Q: What did the Queen say when she heard Princess Diana died in a car smash?
A: Was Fergie with her?
Q: What's the Queen giving Fergie for Christmas?
A: A trip to Paris, dinner at the Ritz, and a chauffeur-driven Mercedes.
Q: What did Princess Di say to Dodi after he gave her the Ring?
A: Aren't we moving a bit to fast?
Q: By the way, Elton John is now set to make a tribute record for Mother Teresa.
A: 'Sandals in the Bin'
Q: What was the last thing Di said to Dodi?
A: These paparazzi are driving me up the wall.
Q: What does Diana's bumper sticker say?
A: My other car's a decoy.
Q: What is the difference between leeches and the paparazzi?
A: Leeches fall off after you die.
Q: What was the coroner humming as he finished the autopsies on Princess
A: Diana and Dodi Fayed and zipped them into their body bags?
Q: What did the French mortuary attendant say when he got the body bags?
A: Zip-a-de Dodi, Zip-a-de Di.
A few days later she comes back to the gate. She says "Pardon me St. Peter, but as you said, I gave my life to the poor and to heal the sick, I never kept a dime, and yet I walked around and saw Lady Diana with a halo three times as big as mine. Why?"
St. Peter said "Mother, that's not a halo, that's a steering wheel!
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