Caloric Count
It has been known for many years that sex is good exercise, but until now nobody has made a scientific study of the caloric content of different sexual activities. Now after "original and proprietary" research *they* are proud to present the results.
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent | 12 Calories |
Without her consent | 2187 Calories |
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands | 8 Calories |
With one hand | 12 Calories |
With your teeth | 485 Calories |
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection | 6 Calories |
Without an erection | 3315 Calories |
POSITIONS:
Missionary | 12 Calories |
69 lying down | 78 Calories |
69 standing up | 812 Calories |
Wheelbarrow | 216 Calories |
Doggy Style | 326 Calories |
Italian chandelier | 2912 Calories |
ORGASMS:
Real | 112 Calories |
Fake | 1315 Calories |
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging | 18 Calories |
Getting up immediately | 36 Calories |
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately | 816 Calories |
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years | 36 Calories |
30-39 years | 80 Calories |
40-49 years | 124 Calories |
50-59 years | 1972 Calories |
60-69 years | 7916 Calories |
70 and over | Results are still pending |
DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly | 32 Calories |
In a hurry | 98 Calories |
With her father knocking at the door | 5218 Calories |
With your wife knocking at the door | 13,521 Calories |
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