INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

Do you think Moses holding the ten commandments carved into stone wished it was the paperback version?

I accidentally drank holy water with my laxative.
I'm about to start a religious movement.

This Christmas follow the example of God.
Knock up a virgin and abandon your son.

I found $20 in a parking lot and thought to myself, What Would Jesus Do?
So, I turned it into wine.

Y'all ever heard of a reverse exorcism?
It's when the devil tells the priest to exit the child's body.

My cup runneth over ...
into my lapeth and onto my flooreth.
Fucketh.

And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.
Then He made the earth round ... and laughed and laughed and laughed ...

People treat me like a god.
They ignore me unless they need something from me.

People on Facebook are always asking you to remember your friends and family who are now in heaven.
Just for today, let's take a couple of minutes to remember our friends and family who went to hell.
They were the fun ones.

Devil: "Welcome to Hell. Name Please."
Joe: "Joe."
Devil: "Well, Joe, there are seven levels of hell. Since your only sin was cheating on a science test in third grade that means you go to the first level."
Joe: "Well, I guess it could be worse."
Devil: "That's the hottest level, because heat rises. You'd know that if you studied for your test."

If Catholics only have mass on Sundays, do they cease to exist the rest of the week?

And then man created Satan ...
... because owning up to your own bullshit is just too damn hard.

I named my cats Thoughts and Prayers because they are useless.

All hail Satin!
and his evil minions corduroy and silk.

Lead me not into temptation ...
Oh, who am I kidding! Follow me. I know a shortcut.

If you don't sin, Jesus died for nothing.

If the Flying Spaghetti Monster didn't create life,
Then why is DNA shaped like pasta?

I think if I had a choice of having either a demon or a priest inside me, I think I'm going to go for the demon. At least when the demon's exorcised, it's cast back into hell instead of just being relocated to another parish.

Why do people think Jesus is coming back?
He was nailed to a cross, not a boomerang.

Dear Santa
Yeah, I was naughty this year. It was worth it you fat judgemental bastard.

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
That priest is in jail now.

There's two ways of knowing that a Catholic priest is a pedophile
1. He's a Catholic
2. He's a priest

God must be a black man.
None of his kids have seen him. Ever.

Jesus said in the Bible that it was much easier for children to get into heaven than adults.
What priests want in heaven, they get in heaven.

My 12 year old son got home from school and he was very upset, "I got a Valentine's day card today dad."
"Well that's nothing to be upset about, I would not be chuffed if it were me."
"It was from Father O'Malley."

Unable to control my urges any longer, I left the priesthood to get married. I needed to know what it was like to have sex with an adult.

So out of hundreds of faiths, the one you were exposed to as a child just happens to be the "one true" religion.
What a lucky coincidence

If you're a Catholic, your sixteenth birthday is a very important landmark.
That's when the priests stop taking an interest in you.

Jesus at the last supper.:
He breaks bread, "This is my body."
He pours wine, "This is my blood."
He opens a jar of mayo.
Judas says, "I'm gonna stop you right there."

Christianity
The story of how one woman's lie to cover up an affair got way the fuck out of hand.

CHURCH
A place where sheep flock to worship a zombie-on-a-stick that tastes like a cracker on Sunday ... with wine and music. Bring cash.

Why is there handicap parking at the church?
Can't they heal these people?

Asking atheists if they are angry at god is like asking the Japanese if they are angry at godzilla.

I can't believe the crazy shit people do. I was sitting in church and this bitch next to me lit up a cigarette. I almost dropped my beer.

Who is the best boxer of all time?
Jim Jones. He knocked out 909 people with one punch.

God is like a brain tumor.
The only time you will ever know the tumor is there is when it kills you. Otherwise you can never see feel or touch it and it won't do anything good for you.

A father sat his son down one day and said, "Son, I think you're old enough for me to tell you this. Santa isn't real. He's made up so kids will behave."
His son replied, "Like how Jesus was made up for adults to behave?"

Children exposed to religion have difficulty distinguishing fact from fiction, study finds.

Saw someone with a t-shirt that said:
Truth + God = Life
Mathematically speaking, it therefore follows that:
Truth = Life - God

Someone asked what religion I am ...
Crystal Methodist, was the best answer I could come up with on such short notice.

The fact that there's a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.

You don't need religion to have morals. If you can't determine right from wrong then you lack empathy, not religion.

Religion is like a penis.
It's fine to have one.
It's fine to be proud of it.
But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around.
And please don't try to shove it down my children's throats.

God made me an atheist.
Who are you to question his wisdom?

I think, therefore I'm an atheist.

If the Roman Empire had selected Mithraism as the official state religion rather than Christianity, you'd be a Mithraist instead of a Christian. I'd still be an atheist.

Why are we always asked to pray after a disaster?
Hasn't God just made it perfectly clear what he wanted to happen?

Christianity:
The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Yeah, makes perfect sense

I'm going to create man and woman with original sin. Then I'm going to impregnate a woman with myself as her child, so that I can be born. Once alive, I will kill myself as a sacrifice to myself. To save you from the sin I originally condemned you to.
Yeah, makes perfect sense

Religion
The belief that there was nothing and nothing happened to nothing and then God magically willed himself into existence, created everything, and magically rearranged everything Into self-replicating bits, which have free will, unless they're a homosexual or worship one of the other gods.
Makes perfect sense.

A religious war is an adult version of a fight over who has the best imaginary friend.

O Lord, grant that we may always be right, for Thou knowest we will never change our minds.

Too stupid to understand science? Try religion!

Gods don't kill people; people with gods kill people!

Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions.

I respect your right to believe whatever you like. I have no respect FOR your belief.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste; I'm glad God didn't waste one on you.

God must love idiots, he made so many of them.

If God had intended you to think, he would have given you a brain.

You don't see faith healers working in hospitals for the some reason you don't see psychics winning the lottery.

Insanity is believing your hallucinations are real.
Religion is believing that other peoples' hallucinations are real.

Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.

When people say, "Stop making fun of religion. You're just as bad as them."
They are really saying "Spreading logic and reason, while at the same time having a good time mocking silly people that believe ancient mythology, is the same as blowing shit up or abusing children?

Does a Catholic Priest make a good babysitter?

The church is not full of hypocrites.
There's always room for more.

Q: What do you give a paedophile who has everything?
A: A bigger church!

Q: What do teachers unions and the Church both have in common?
A: They both protect pedophiles.

Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
A: He sold his soul to Santa.

Q: Have you found Jesus?
A: I didn't know he was lost.

Q: Have you found Jesus?
A: He should still be on the cross, that's right where I left him!

Q: Have you found Jesus?
A: If nobody claims him in 30 days he's yours.

Bible: An ancient novel full of murder, corruption, homosexuality, bestiality, incest and cruelty. It is often read to children on Sunday.
- Urban Dictionary

If you are going to be a sinner, be the best sinner on the block.
- Anton Szandor LaVey

If God, made a man, in his own a image, why aren't we all, like ... invisible?
- Father Guido Sarducci

You never hear in the news, "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North."
- Doug Stanhope

Don't get me wrong. I’m not saying religion doesn’t have its uses. Personally I turn to it whenever I want my intelligence insulted. And the holy scriptures come in very handy when I need to justify behaviour I’m ashamed of.
- Pat Condell

Either magic and miracles were extremely common thousands of years ago, and have somehow become conspicuously sparse today, or we have simply become more difficult to deceive (well, at least some of us).
- Unknown

I find it funny that your god loves me no matter what, but if I don't worship him, I'll burn forever.
- Cameron Lewis

Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
- Mark Twain

The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.
- Richard Pryor, 1971

Keep your religion out of my vagina and I won't tell you how your religion is positively ridiculous. Keep your religion out of politics and I won't mock it so vehemently. Keep your religion away from the Constitution, and I won't feel the need to point out the flaws in your thinking.
- Barb Westerman McGrory

What used to be "demonic possession" is now known to be neuro-psychological disorders. What used to be "divine wrath" is now known to be the Earth's geological and meteorological processes. What used to be "cursed" is now known to be microbial infections. What used to be a "miracle" is now known to be a hoax. What used to be "god" is now known to be an excuse to solicit money from ignorant people.
- Joshua Rey

Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

When one guy sees an invisible man he's a nut case. Ten people see him it's a cult. Ten million people see him it's a respected religion.
- Richard Jeni

If religion is the cornerstone of morality, how come I so often find myself explaining why I don’t hate god to someone who’s expressed hatred for atheists, scientists, feminists, gays, intellectuals, and all other forms of infidels?
- Lindsey Brown

Holding up a holy book as proof is the intellectual equivalent of a parent telling their child "because I said so."
- Maximilian Montserrat

My mum once told me no one is as loving as God is. I asked her if she would send someone after me to hurt me, torture me and cause me ever-lasting pain for as long as I lived, if I ever disowned her. She looked at me with shock in her eyes and responded of course not. I told her, well, that's already one person that's more loving than God.
- Neal Jordan

Saying that you are moral because you believe in a god is like saying you are an economist because you play monopoly.
- Robert W. Cox

A theist telling me to use logic and reason is akin to an addict advising me to practice self-control.
- Trace Ahlers

Claiming your god is superior to all other gods is like claiming Tinker Bell is superior to all other fairies.
- Patrick Dyer

Telling me that you'll believe in god until someone can prove he doesn't exist is like saying that you'll believe in the sasquatch until someone searches every square inch of Canada.
- Stuart Grant

Claims that cannot be tested, assertions immune to disproof are veridically worthless, whatever value they may have in inspiring us or in exciting our sense of wonder.
- Carl Sagan

I feel sorry for evangelical Christian ministers. It seems that the biggest part of their job consists of making excuses for their Boss when he fails to keep his promises.
- Nancy Crocker

I'm pretty sure omnipotent entities don't need middle men to get their message to the people.
- Irish Samurai

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.
- H. L. Mencken

Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.
- Denis Diderot

Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Religion is a gateway psychosis.
- Dave Foley

You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out he hates all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
- Thomas Szasz

"Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?"
- Lily Tomlin

Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
- Ambrose Bierce

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
- Ambrose Bierce

Heathen, n. A benighten creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
- Ambrose Bierce

As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind... Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.
- Ambrose Bierce

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.
- Woody Allen

The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen

The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference between a mermaid and a seal.
- Mark Twain

Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense.
- Chapman Cohen

If God had thought homosexuality is a sin, he would not have created gay people.
- Howard Dean, presidential candidate

If the gods had meant us to vote, they would have given us candidates.
- Jim Hightower, radio commentator and author, book title

As my ancestors are free from slavery, I am free from the slavery of religion.
- Butterfly McQueen

Atheism
It annoys me that the burden of proof is on us. It should be: "You came up with the idea. Why do you believe it?" I could tell you I've got superpowers. But I can't go up to people saying, "Prove I can't fly." They'd go, "What do you mean, 'Prove you can't fly?' Prove that you can!"
- Ricky Gervais

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
- Emo Phillips

Young earth creationism is essentially the position that all of modern science, 90% of living scientists and 98% of living biologists, all major university biology departments, every major science journal, the American Academy of Sciences, and every major science organization in the world, are all wrong regarding the origins and development of life....but one particular tribe of uneducated, bronze aged, goat herders got it exactly right.
- Chuck Easttom

Science adjusts its views based on what's observed. Faith is the denial of observation so that belief can be preserved.
- Tim Minchin

I think the trouble with being a critical thinker or an atheist, or a humanist is that you're right. And it's quite hard being right in the face of people who are wrong without sounding like a fuckwit. People go "do you think the vast majority of the world is wrong," well yes. I don't know how to say that nicely, but yes.
- Tim Minchin

There is no god, and that's the simple truth. If every trace of any single religion were wiped out and nothing were passed on, it would never be created exactly that way again. There might be some other nonsense in its place, but not that exact nonsense. If all of science were wiped out it would still be true and someone would find a way to figure it all out again.
- Penn Jillette

There was once a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. This time was called the Dark Ages.
- Richard Lederer


Mary had a little babe,
looked kinda like a squid.
It soon became apparent
that it was the devil's kid.

She tried getting rid of it,
she threw it down a well.
It just waved it's tentacles,
opening a door to hell.

Demons poured out the gate,
Mary wept 'neath an eclipse.
"C'mon, Mom," said baby boy,
"It's only an apocalypse.


This Easter remember, Jesus was not a zombie.
He was not mindless nor did he consume anyone.
Nor was he a Ghoul or a Wight.
Although his soul and intellect were intact, he was not a rotting corpse.
He was not a vampire.
While he transubstantiated wine into blood, he never drank it from a person.

Jesus was not a ghost or a wraith.
He was corporeal and still had his wounds.
It is clear.
Jesus was a lich.
A lich is created when a powerful magician or king striving for eternal life uses spells or rituals to bind his soul to his animated corpse and thereby achieves immortality. Liches are depicted as being clearly cadaverous, their bodies still bearing the wounds they received before their death. Liches often have the power of necromancy, which allow them to bring the dead back to life.


Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."


The gods that we've made are exactly the gods you'd expect to be made by a species that's about half a chromosome away from being chimpanzee.

What can be asserted without proof can be dismissed without proof.

Faith is the surrender of the mind; it's the surrender of reason, it's the surrender of the only thing that makes us different from other mammals. It's our need to believe, and to surrender our skepticism and our reason, our yearning to discard that and put all our trust or faith in someone or something, that is the sinister thing to me. Of all the supposed virtues, faith must be the most overrated.

- Christopher Hitchens
April 13, 1949 - December 15, 2011


If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.
- Bertrand Russell


Another area of fuzzy thinking out there is the movement called Intelligent Design. It asserts that somethings are too marvelous or too intricate to explain. The contention is that these things defy common scientific accounts for cause and effect, and so they’re ascribed to an intelligent, purposeful designer.....So let’s start a movement called Stupid Design, and we’ll see where that takes us. For example, what’s going on with your appendix? It’s much better at killing you than it is at anything else. That’s definitely a stupid design. What about your pinky toenail? You can barely put nail polish on it; there’s no real estate there. how about bad breath, or the fact that you breathe and drink through the same hole in your body, causing some fraction of us to choke to death every year? And here’s my last one. Ready? Down there between our legs, it’s like an entertainment complex system in the middle of a sewage system. Who designed that?
- Neil DeGrasse Tyson


1. The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. The happiness of credulity is a cheap and dangerous quality. - George Bernard Shaw

2. Faith means not wanting to know what is true. - Friedrich Nietzsche

3. I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

4. We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing all-powerful God, who creates faulty Humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes. - Gene Roddenberry

5. To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today. - Isaac Asimov

6. A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows. - Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain)

7. Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful. - Seneca the Younger

8. Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned. - Anonymous

9. Not only is there no god, but try getting a plumber on weekends. - Woody Allen

10. If I were not an atheist, I would believe in a God who would choose to save people on the basis of the totality of their lives and not the pattern of their words. I think he would prefer an honest and righteous atheist to a TV preacher whose every word is God, God, God, and whose every deed is foul, foul, foul. - Isaac Asimov

11. Belief in the supernatural reflects a failure of the imagination. - Edward Abbey

12. With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. - Steven Weinberg

13. I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence. - Doug McLeod

14. The world holds two classes of men - intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence. - Abu’l-Ala al Ma’arri

15. Since the Bible and the church are obviously mistaken in telling us where we came from, how can we trust them to tell us where we are going? - Anonymous

16. I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. - Susan B. Anthony

17. The invisible and the non-existent look very much alike. - Delos B. McKown

18. Two hands working can do more than a thousand clasped in prayer. - Anonymous

19. Atheism leaves a man to sense, to philosophy, to natural piety, to laws, to reputation; all of which may be guides to an outward moral virtue, even if religion vanished; but religious superstition dismounts all these and erects an absolute monarchy in the minds of men. - Francis Bacon

20. The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully. - Richard Dawkins

21. A God who kept tinkering with the universe was absurd; a God who interfered with human freedom and creativity was tyrant. If God is seen as a self in a world of his own, an ego that relates to a thought, a cause separate from its effect. he becomes a being, not Being itself. An omnipotent, all-knowing tyrant is not so different from earthly dictators who make everything and everybody mere cogs in the machine which they controlled. An atheism that rejects such a God is amply justified. - Karen Armstrong

22. It is not as in the Bible, that God created man in his own image. But, on the contrary, man created God in his own image. - Ludwig Feuerbach

23. People ask me what I think about that woman priest thing. What, a woman priest? Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to. - Bill Hicks

24. All the biblical miracles will at last disappear with the progress of science. - Matthew Arnold

25. Blind faith is an ironic gift to return to the Creator of human intelligence. - Anonymous

26. Be thankful that you have a life, and forsake your vain and presumptuous desire for a second one. - Richard Dawkins

27. What can be asserted without proof can be dismissed without proof. - Christopher Hitchens

28. In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point. - Friedrich Nietzsche

29. It will yet be the proud boast of women that they never contributed a line to the Bible. - George W. Foote

30. On the first day, man created God. - Anonymous

31. I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. - Stephen Roberts

32. You do not need the Bible to justify love, but no better tool has been invented to justify hate. - Richard A. Weatherwax

33. What’s "God"? Well, you know, when you want something really bad and you close your eyes and you wish for it? God’s the guy that ignores you. - Steve Buscemi (From the movie "The Island")

34. As far as I can tell from studying the scriptures, all you do in heaven is pretty much just sit around all day and praise the Lord. I don’t know about you, but I think that after the first, oh, I don’t know, 50,000,000 years of that I’d start to get a little bored. - Rick Reynolds

35. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish. - Anonymous

36. Calling Atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color. - Don Hirschberg

37. God should be executed for crimes against humanity. - Bryan Emmanuel Gutierrez

38. To say that atheism requires faith is as dim-witted as saying that disbelief in pixies or leprechauns takes faith. Even if Einstein himself told me there was an elf on my shoulder, I would still ask for proof and I wouldn’t be wrong to ask. - Geoff Mather

39. I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it. - Mark Twain

40. Of all religions the Christian is without doubt the one which should inspire tolerance most, although up to now the Christians have been the most intolerant of all men. - Voltaire

41. And if there were a God, I think it very unlikely that He would have such an uneasy vanity as to be offended by those who doubt His existence. - Bertrand Russell

42. Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? - Epicurus

43. I’m a polyatheist - there are many gods I don’t believe in. - Dan Fouts

44. If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever. - Woody Allen

45. A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it. - David Stevens

46. Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a God superior to themselves. Most Gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child. - Robert A Heinlein

47. "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing." - Douglas Adams

48. It ain’t the parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. - Mark Twain

49. He that will not reason is a bigot; he that cannot reason is a fool; he that dares not reason is a slave. - William Drummond

50. Remember, Jesus would rather constantly shame gays than let orphans have a family. - Steven Colbert

51. Which is it, is man one of God’s blunders or is God one of man’s? - Friedrich Nietzsche

52. Religion does three things quite effectively: Divides people, Controls people, Deludes people. - Carlespie Mary Alice McKinney

53. Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea. - Anonymous

54. When a man is freed of religion, he has a better chance to live a normal and wholesome life. - Sigmund Freud

55. They felt that science would be corrosive to religious belief and they were worried about it. Damn it, I think they were right. It is corrosive to religious belief and it’s a good thing. - Steven Weinberg

56. Take from the church the miraculous, the supernatural, the incomprehensible, the unreasonable, the impossible, the unknowable, the absurd, and nothing but a vacuum remains. - Robert G. Ingersoll

57. History teaches us that no other cause has brought more death than the word of god. - Giulian Buzila

58. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. - George Carlin

59. We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further. - Richard Dawkins

60. A believer states everything must have a creator but fail to say how he was created. - Anonymous

61. "There are no atheists in foxholes" isn’t an argument against atheism, it’s an argument against foxholes. - James Morrow

62. People will then often say, ‘But surely it’s better to remain an Agnostic just in case?’ This, to me, suggests such a level of silliness and muddle that I usually edge out of the conversation rather than get sucked into it. (If it turns out that I’ve been wrong all along, and there is in fact a god, and if it further turned out that this kind of legalistic, cross-your-fingers-behind-your-back, Clintonian hair-splitting impressed him, then I think I would choose not to worship him anyway.) - Douglas Adams

63. Properly read, the bible is the most potent force for Atheism ever conceived. - Isaac Asimov

64. If all the Christians who have called other Christians "not really a Christian" were to vanish, there’d be no Christians left. - Anonymous

65. An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. - John Buchan

66. Gods dont kill people. People with Gods kill people. - David Viaene

67. If God were suddenly condemned to live the life which He has inflicted upon men, He would kill Himself. - Alexandre Dumas

68. Atheism is nothing more than the noises reasonable people make when in the presence of religious dogma. - Sam Harris

69. I don’t believe in God because I don’t believe in Mother Goose - Clarence Darrow

70. No philosophy, no religion, has ever brought so glad a message to the world as this good news of Atheism. - Annie Wood Besant

71. I refuse to believe in a god who is the primary cause of conflict in the world, preaches racism, sexism, homophobia, and ignorance, and then sends me to hell if I’m ‘bad’. - Mike Fuhrman

72. Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. - Frater Ravus

73. Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-o, and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have. - Penn Jillette

74. Absolute faith corrupts as absolutely as absolute power but absolute power is corrupt only in the hands of the absolutely faithful. - Anonymous

75. Gods are fragile things; they may be killed by a whiff of science or a dose of common sense. - Chapman Cohen

76. The inspiration of the bible depends on the ignorance of the person who reads it. - Robert G. Ingersoll

77. When one person suffers from a delusion, it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion, it is called religion. - Robert Pirsig

78. I wonder who got the shit job of scouring the planet for the 15000 species of butterfly or the 8800 species of ant they eventually took on board Noah’s Ark. But at least we got that magical rainbow for all their trouble. - Azura Skye

79. I have no need for religion, I have a conscience. - Anonymous

80. Man has always required an explanation for all of those things in the world he did not understand. If an explanation was not available, he created one. - Jim Crawford

81. I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world. - Richard Dawkins

82. What has been Christianity’s fruits? Superstition, Bigotry and Persecution. - James Madison

83. The characters and events depicted in the damn bible are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. - Penn and Teller

84. If god is the alpha and the omega. The begining and the end, knows what has passed and what is to come, like it states in the bible, why do people pray and think it will make any difference. - Mark Fairclough

85. The finality of death is the coldest truth one must face. Religion makes the perfect distraction. - Anonymous

86. Religion is the opiate of the masses. - Karl Marx

87. If God created the world, then who created god? and who created whoever created god? So somewhere along the line something had to just be there. So why can’t we just skip the idea of god and go straight to earth? - Ryan Hanson

88. If we expect God to subscribe to one religion at the exclusion of all the others, then we should expect damnation as a matter of chance. This should give Christians pause when expounding their religious beliefs, but it does not. - Sam Harris

89. Atheists will celebrate life, while you’re in church celebrating death. - Anonymous

90. Animals do not have gods, they are smarter than that. - Ronnie Snow

91. I have observed that the world has suffered far less from ignorance than from pretensions to knowledge. It is not skeptics or explorers but fanatics and ideologues who menace decency and progress. No agnostic ever burned anyone at the stake or tortured a pagan, a heretic, or an unbeliever. - Daniel Boorstin

92. I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious ideas of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God. So far as religion of the day is concerned, it is a damned fake… Religion is all bunk. - Thomas Edison

93. Fundamentalism, of any type, due to its prerequisite lack of intelligent thought, could prove to be the worst weapon of mass destruction, of all. - David J. Constable

94. To really be free, You need to be free in the mind. - Alexander Loutsis

95. Most religions prophecy the end of the world and then consistently work together to ensure that these prophecies come true. - Anonymous

96. Jesus hardly made the greatest sacrifice. He knew he would be resurrected anyway. - Anonymous

97. Religion is like a virus that affects the behaviour of its host in such a way as to propagate itself further. - Jack Pritchard

98. Religions are like pills, which must be swallowed whole without chewing. - Thomas Hobbs

99. Today’s religion will be the future’s mythology. Both believed at one time by many; but proved wrong by the clever. - Steven Crocker

100. The Bible - A Fairytale book of rules brainwashing millions. Obliviously used to help create war, kill, hate, judge and discriminate. - Anonymous

101. Why can’t we see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too? - Douglas Adams

102. People who don't like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn't have such funny beliefs. - Anonymous

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