INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

"Children are like animals at the zoo. They are nice to visit, but you shouldn't take one home."
-- Arlene L.

This is what I've always said about pregnancy/childbirth: "I saw 'Alien,' and I'm NOT doing THAT!"
-- Unknown

THANK YOU FOR NOT BREEDING
-- (bumper sticker)

"If I ever decide I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet ... I'll put shoes on my cats."
-- Magnetic Graffiti Co

How can you trust me with a baby if you can't trust me with a choice?
(bumper sticker)

"In America, there are two modes of travel: First Class and With Children"
-- Robert Benchley

"Children are a sexually transmitted disease."
-- Unknown

"I would get pregnant only if I could be sure I'd have puppies."
-- Cynthia Nelms

"Men are generally more careful of the breed of their horses and dogs than of their children."
-- William Penn

"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable."
-- Fran Lebowitz, American journalist, Metropolitan Life, 1978

"The mother of the year should be a sterilized woman with two adopted children."
-- Paul Ehrlich, American scientist

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children."
-- Clarence Darrow, American lawyer and reformer.

"Bachelors' wives and old maids' children are always perfect."
-- Nicholas Chamfort, French writer

"I love children. Especially when they cry -- for then someone takes them away."
-- Nancy Mitford, British writer

"Physically there is nothing to distinguish human society from the farm yard, except that children are more troublesome and costly than chickens and women are not so completely enslaved as farm stock."
-- George Bernard Shaw, [Quasi-]British playwright

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