Waiter, Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
- Looks like the breast-stroke to me, sir.

Waiter, Waiter, my plate's wet!
- That's not wet, sir - that's the soup!

Waiter, Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.
- What do you expect for $1 - a live one?

Waiter, Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
- Well, keep quiet about it or everyone will want one...

Waiter, Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!
- I'm not surprised, sir, it was ground only a few minutes ago.

Waiter, Waiter, my knife is blunt and my steak is like leather.
- I should strop the knife on the steak then, sir.

Waiter, Waiter, you're not fit to serve a pig!
- I'm doing my best, sir.

Waiter, Waiter, I'll pay my bill now.
- This $10 note is bad, sir.
So was the meal.

Waiter, Waiter, how long have you been here?
- Six months, sir.
Ah, then, it can't be you who took my order.

Waiter, Waiter, this lobster's only got one claw.
- I expect he's been in a fight, sir.
Well, bring me the winner!

Waiter, Waiter, have you got frogs' legs?
- Certainly , sir.
Then hop into the kitchen and get me a steak!

Waiter, Waiter, does the pianist play requests?
- Yes, sir.
Then ask him to play tiddlywinks till I've finished my meal.

Waiter, Waiter, my bill please.
- How did you find your luncheon, sir?
With a magnifying glass.

Waiter, Waiter, what do you call this?
- Cottage pie, sir.
Well, I've just bitten on a piece of the door.

Waiter, Waiter, what do you call this?
- That's bean soup, sir.
I don't care what it's been, what is it now?

Waiter, Waiter, I'll have the pie, please.
- Anything with it, sir?
If it's anything like last time I'd better have a hammer and chisel.

Waiter, Waiter, I'll have my bill now.
- How did you find your steak, sir?
Oh, I just moved the potato and there it was.

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