Warning Labels

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (but that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's just a suggestion).

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. (really?)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what, outer space?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now I'm curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: fly Delta)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Fine, destroy a childhood dream.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a Korean kitchen knife: "Warning: keep out of children."

On German headphones: "Do not increase volume past threshold of pain."

"Objects viewed from this window may appear 22,000 miles away."

"Danger! It is adviseable to stand clear during lift-off."

"Warning! This engine may be quite hot."

"No user serviceable parts inside."

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