Things you'll never hear a MAN say:

This shower curtain doesn't have enough frills on it.

Damn, too bad this car isn't a four cylinder.

My butt's too big... don't lie, it's true. My butt's too big.

No I don't want another beer. I have to work tomorrow.

I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.

Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.

No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.

I understand.

Damn, we're late for church!

Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.

Slow down, you move too fast. You've got to make the morning last.

I love jogging dear, but I can't keep up with you. You go on ahead.

Do these jeans come in lavender?

What happened to my old Nancy Drew books?

Hey, watermelon bathroom air-freshener pot-pourri. Let's get some!

Barry Manilow? Dude is the bomb.

Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!

I think hairy butts are really sexy.

It's OK, I'll sleep in the wet spot.

I know you just blew me but I need a kiss.

It's late. Put your clothes back on and I'll take you home.

Sure I'd love to wear a condom.

Over-sized t-shirts are so sexy, especially on really fat chicks.

That chick on "Murder, She Wrote" gets me all hot and bothered.

I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed? Maybe I should tell her.

Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines. I don't look at them any more.

This movie has too much nudity.

No, I don't want to see your sister's tits.

Put some panties on for Christ's sake!

You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big.

While I'm up, can I get you anything?

Sex isn't that important; sometimes, I just want to be held.

Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?

Honey since we don't have anything else planned, will you go to the wallpaper store with me?

Hey look, there's a wool and fabric shop! Let's go buy something.

Why don't you go to the mall with me and help me pick out a pair of shoes?

We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.

Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on.

Here honey, you use the remote.

To hell with "Monday Night Football", let's watch "Melrose Place".

I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask directions.

We never talk anymore.

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