Woman - A Chemical Analysis

Element:	Woman
Symbol:	Wo
Atomic Weight:	Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175
Discoverer:	Adam
Occurrence:	Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.

Physical Properties:

• Surface usually covered in powder and paint film.
• Boils at nothing, freezes for no apparent reason.
• Melts if given special treatment.
• Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
• Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
• Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

• Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
• Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
• May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
• Softens and takes a rosy glow when soaked in water.
• Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.
• Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
• Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.

• Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
• Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
• Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
• Can cool things down when it's too hot.

• Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
• Turns green when placed beside a superior specimen.

• Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
• Illegal to possess more than one at a time.

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