Male definations of descriptive phrases of women.

 40-ish  49
 Adventurer  Has had more partners than you ever will
 Athletic  Flat-chested
 Average looking  Ugly
 Beautiful  Pathological liar
 Contagious Smile  Bring your penicillin
 Educated  College dropout
 Emotionally Secure  Medicated
 Feminist  Fat; ball buster
 Free spirit  Substance user
 Friendship first  Trying to live down reputation as slut
 Fun  Annoying
 Gentle  Comatose
 Good Listener  Borderline Autistic
 New-Age  All body hair, all the time
 Old-fashioned  Lights out, missionary position only
 Open-minded  Desperate
 Outgoing  Loud and embarrassing
 Passionate  Loud
 Poet  Depressive Schizophrenic
 Professional  Real Witch
 Redhead  Shops the Clairol section
 Reubenesque  Grossly Fat
 Romantic  Looks better by candle light
 Voluptuous  Very Fat
 Large Frame  Hugely Fat
 Weight proportional to height  Hugely Fat
 Wants Soul Mate  One step away from stalker
 Widow  Nagged first husband to death
 Young at heart  Toothless crone

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