The Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

 Dangerous  Safer  Safest  Ultra Safe
 What's for dinner?  Can I help you with dinner?  Where would you like to go for dinner?  Here, have some wine.
 Are you wearing that?  Wow, you sure look good in brown!  Wow! Look at you!  Here, have some wine.
 What are you so worked up about?  Could we be overreacting?  Here's my paycheck.  Here, have some wine.
 Should you be eating that?  You know, there are a lot of apples left.  Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?  Here, have some wine.
 What did you DO all day?  I hope you didn't over-do it today.  I've always loved you in that robe!  Here, have some more wine.

Things P.M.S. Stands For:

01. Pass My Shotgun
02. Psychotic Mood Shift
03. Perpetual Munching Spree
04. Puffy Mid-Section
05. People Make me Sick
06. Provide Me with Sweets
07. Pardon My Sobbing
08. Pimples May Surface
09. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
13. Potential Murder Suspect

Q: Why do they call it P.M.S?
A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Q: What do you call a woman with PMS and ESP?
A: A know-it-all bitch.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

I'm out of Estrogen and I've got a gun!

I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.

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