The Top 16 Personals Ads in the New York Times
16. Married female seeks husband at local bar. Now. Or his dinner ends up in the garbage.
15. Mayor of a large metropolitan city seeks understanding female to share personal vendettas.
14. Lost: One large rug, contents. If found please send to Gambino Sanitation, or East river.
13. You: Crazed, roving band of hooligans marauding through Central Park last summer. Me: Sprinting girl who'd just love to see you again. I'll be waiting for you at the 35th precinct -- ask for me at the front desk.
12. Ultra-wealthy real estate magnate needs trophy girl who can trim hair/eyebrows. Take it or leave it. -- Donald.
11. FRICKIN' METS: I love you! I love the frickin' Mets and I don't care who knows it! Frickin' Mets! -- Louie
10. 54 y/o MWM, new resident of NYC, formerly in DC and Arkansas, seeks discreet 18-22 y/o SWF/BBW for... about 20 minutes. Bring pizza.
09. Rustic woodcarver seeks same for arts, crafts, manifestos. Obsessive fear of gov't a plus!
08. DBM, 36, workaholic CEO, estranged from kids, seeks SBF to listen to false promises that this time I'll spend less time at work and more with you, who will eventually throw things at my head and walk out in a huff.
07. Athletic SWM from Georgia seeks SWF with big ta-tas for short subway rides, occasional Mets/Braves games, ethnic and racial slander. Red neck a plus.
06. Bi-curious MWF Senator (D-New York) seeks new mate, possibly running mate?
05. Looking for that special someone I could spread on the Sunday Times, which would be spread on the living room floor near the Bauhaus breakfast nook.
04. Male, fond of outdoor living and freedom from the work world, looking to share romance, cardboard box, and half a can of tuna.
03. Vinnie: Gimme back my friggin' tape player, you stinkin' cheat.
02. New to city. Giant, radioactive Single Green Lizard seeks playmates, buildings to destroy, possible nesting site.
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Personals Ad in the New York Times...
01. Chance Encounter. You: pretty, blonde riding #5 train last Thursday night. Me: beard, aluminum foil hat, urinating on platform. Must meet for fortified wine and conquest of mole people.
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