Funny 'AOL sucks' page
http://www.umr.edu/~huilman/jokes/apie
[To the tune of "American Pie"]
A long, long, time ago
I can still remember when I dialed up their help desk lines.
And I knew if I had the chance
They could make my modem dance
with chats and GIFs and silly pick-up lines.
But Help Desk phone calls made me shiver
with every busy they'd deliver.
Bad news on the front page
A 19-hour outrage.
I can't remember if I cried
when I realized that Steve Case had lied.
But something touched me deep inside
The day
the service
died.
So bye bye to Amer'ca Online
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine.
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.
Did you write the book of TOS
Will you send your password to PWD-BOSS
If an IM tells you so.
And will you believe the Motley Fool
When he tells you that the service rules
And can you teach me how to Web real slow?
Well I know you sold the service shortIt was a crazy, costly high-tech play
Cause I saw your quarterly report.Steve Case sold off his stock
It fell just like a rock.
So bye bye to Amer'ca OnlineWell for two days we've been on our own
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.
When the mogul came to Virginia court
With an OS icon and a browser port
And a desktop that looked like Apple III.
And while Jim Clark was looking downAnd while Steve left users out to bond
The mogul stole his thorny crownThe browser war was turned.
Mozilla...was spurned.
So bye bye to Amer'ca OnlineDa Chronic ducked their software guards
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.
And so Steve Case went to the FBI
and he told Boardwatch* a little lie
That hackers wanted child pornography *
But while Steve Case was looking downAnd while user cynicism climbs
The hackers pulled his e-mail downThey put it on the net.
He can't be trusted yet!
So bye bye to Amer'ca OnlineHelter-skelter billing needs a melter
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.
But it looks like some attorney jibe
an hour if they resubscribe.
To a service marketed for free
Well I KNOW you're raking in the bucks"If AOL treats you like the Borg
Cause I'm reading alt.aol-sucks."Until we bless the suit
The settlement is moot."
So bye bye to Amer'ca OnlineBill Razzouk, the head-to-be
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.
But as I read him on the pageAnd as chat freaks cried into the night
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.No "Welcome" born in hell
could ring that chatroom bell.
So bye bye to Amer'ca OnlineI met a girl in Lobby 9
Drove my modem to a domain and it's working just fine
And good old geeks are cheering users offline
Saying this'll be the day that they die.
This'll be the day that they die.
And I went back to the Member Lounge
To see what loyalty I could scrounge
But Room Host said the members went away...
And on the net the modems screamAnd the three men that I hated most
At faster speeds and data streams.And not a tear was spoken.
The hourly fees were broken.
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