Bill of No Rights.
We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen color TV or any other
form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but
no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may
leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but
the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver
in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer
to make you and all of your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most
charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we
are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of
professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of
another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but
from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public
health care.
ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap,
rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest
of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat,
or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised
if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you
still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII:
You do not have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in
foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive
governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if
you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do
not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little
tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX:
You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have one,
and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take
advantage of the opportunities in education and vocational training laid
before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you
have the right to pursue happiness -- which, by the way, is a lot easier
if you are unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by
those around you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
Written by Libertarian writer and former U.S. Senate candidate Lewis Napper.
Copyright © Lewis W. Napper. All Rights Reserved.
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