TAXES:
Federal Income Tax
Payroll Tax
Corporate Tax
Estate Tax
Gift Tax
Sales Tax
Inheritance Tax
Property Tax
Import Tax
State Income Tax
Death Tax
Capital Gains Tax
Excise Tax
Home Improvement Tax
Gas Tax
School Tax
Taxed to death, in what used to be the land of the free but is now the land of the overly taxed.

Me: How much do I owe?
IRS: How much do you think you owe?

Why do we pay taxes?
So we don't get arrested.

The money in your bank account is one "state emergency" away from being the government's money.

Very few people know this but the little pocket on your jeans is for your paycheck after taxes.

If the government has enough money to send to foreign countries ... then the government is taking too much money from taxpayers.

The only way to eliminate tax loopholes is to eliminate politicians.

The IRS.
TheIRS.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.
- Bill Murray

Telling you your wage before tax is like measuring your penis from the top of your spine.

Today's word is - INTAXICATION: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realise it was your money to start with.

Up until 1913 Americans kept all of their earnings.
Despite this, America still had schools, roads, colleges, bridges, vast railroads, subways and a military.

Taxes are the price we pay to live in a free society.
Much like how human sacrifice is the price we pay for having the sun.

The I.R.S. saying that tax payers are their customers is like a rapist calling his victims girlfriends.

I.R.S. MOTTO: We're The IRS. We Don't Care. We Don't Have To.

I.R.S. MOTTO: We're The IRS. We’re not happy until you’re not happy!

I.R.S. MOTTO: We're The IRS. We have what it takes to take what you have.

I.R.S. = Is Really Stupid!

Born Free ... Taxed To Death

I want to join a violent, armed group with no regard for the law ... but the IRS isn’t hiring.

The best things in life are free until the government finds out and taxes them.

A man about to have a heart transplant was offered the choice of either a 26 year-old marathon runners heart or the heart of a 62 year-old IRS agent. He picked the agent’s heart because he said it had never been used.

The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps:
They had pictures of IRS agents on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the newspaper?

An economist is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors - and miss.
- Robert A. Heinlein - Time Enough For Love

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
- Robert Orben

Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.
- Calvin Coolidge, U.S. President

A billion here, a billion there - pretty soon it adds up to real money.
- Senator Everett Dirksen

A trillion here, a trillion there - pretty soon it adds up to real money.
- Cynical Pessimist

A hundred trillion here, a hundred trillion there - pretty soon it adds up to real money.
(The Barack Hussein Obama revised version)
- Cynical Pessimist

How much money did you make last year? Mail it in.
- Simplified tax form suggested by Stanton Delaplane, San Francisco Chronicle, 1934-3-7

Wiker's Law: Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
- Unknown

The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.
- Sam Ewing, American writer and humorist

No taxation without representation.
- Jonathan Mayhew

Taxation with representation ain't so hot either.
- Gerald Barzan

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
- Mark Twain

The best way to put more money in people's wallets is to leave it there in the first place.
- Edwin Feulner

In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
- Voltaire

Government cannot make man richer, but it can make him poorer.
- Ludwig von Mises

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.
- John Maynard Keynes

... the power to tax involves the power to destroy ...
- Justice John Marshall

The way to crush the bourgeoisie is to grind them between the millstones of taxation and inflation.
- Vladimir Ilyich Lenin

Capital punishment is when Washington comes up with a new tax.
- Van Panopoulos

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages.
- H. L. Mencken

When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that an old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had only one before.
- H. L. Mencken

In 1950, the average family of four paid 2% of its earnings to federal taxes. Today it pays 24%.
- William R. Mattox, Jr.

Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:
If it moves, tax it.
If it keeps moving, regulate it.
And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
- Ronald Reagan

The taxpayer; that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination.
- Ronald Reagan

The federal government has taken too much tax money from the people, too much authority from the states, and too much liberty with the Constitution.
- Ronald Reagan

Government does not tax to get the money it needs; government always finds a need for the money it gets.
- Ronald Reagan

Governments last as long as the undertaxed can defend themselves against the overtaxed.
- Bernard Berenson

We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
- Sir Winston Churchill

Three groups spend other people's money: children, thieves, politicians. All three need supervision.
- Dick Armey

I don't know if I can live on my income or not -- the government won't let me try it.
- Bob Thaves

We now have so many regulations that everyone is guilty of some violation.
- Donald Alexander

The Declaration of Independence, the words that launched our nation -- 1,300 words. The Bible, the word of God -- 773,000 words. The Tax Code, the words of politicians -- 7,000,000 words -- and growing!
- Steve Forbes

As a taxpayer, you are required to be fully in compliance with the United States Tax Code, which is currently the size and weight of the Budweiser Clydesdales.
- Dave Barry

Eight decades of amendments... to (the) code have produced a virtually impenetrable maze... The rules are unintelligible to most citizens... The rules are equally mysterious to many government employees who are charged with administering and enforcing the law.
- Shirley Peterson

Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before.
- Art Buchwald

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.
- P. J. O'Rourke

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
- Paula Poundstone

Income taxes have made more liars out of the American people than golf.
- Will Rogers

How is the government going to get the extra taxes? Out of the rich -- or just out of the poor, as usual?
- Will Rogers

In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.
- Benjamin Franklin

The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
- Will Rogers

I'm proud to pay taxes in the United States; the only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money.
- Arthur Godfrey

We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.
- Woody Allen

Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Q: What's the definition of an accountant?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Q: What do you call 25 I.R.S. agents buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving I.R.S. agents?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning I.R.S. agent?
A: His co-workers.

Q: What's brown and looks really good on an I.R.S. agent?
A: A Doberman.

Q: What's the difference between an I.R.S. agent and a mosquito?
A: One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Q: How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the light bulb really gets screwed.

Q: How are an apple and a I.R.S. agent alike?
A: They both look good hanging from a tree.

Q: What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of I.R.S. agents do?
A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren’t met.

Increasing the tax on a product, (tobacco, alcohol, ...) is supposed to reduce the interest in consuming the product.

Increasing the tax on income (working) is supposed to increase the interest in paying more tax by working harder and longer to receive less.

Cynical Pessimist

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can’t do this - I’m a US Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the robber, "Give me MY money!"

"The organized use of threats, coercion, intimidation, and violence to compel the payment for actual or alleged services of arbitrary or excessive charges under the guise of membership dues, protection fees, royalties, or service rates.
United States v McGlone (DC Pa) 19 F Supp 285, 286." Ballentine’s Law Dictionary, page 1051.

The first is a "kinder, gentler" way of describing the second. Both are accurate descriptions of how men and women pretending to be "government" operate. The second one is actually the definition of "racketeer."

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