Money's Short,
Times are Hard,
So Here's Your Shitty
Christmas Card.

Mom in the bog house
Being sick as a mule,
Dad in his undies just
Acting the fool.

When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter,
I sprung off my arse to
See what was the matter.

There on the lawn
was this big fat dick,
I knew in an instant
I must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of hell,
I knew in a moment the
Fat prat had fell.

He filled all our stockings
With pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick
For my brother the queer.

Then he flashed up the
Chimney with a thunderous fart,
The silly fat prat
Blew the chimney apart.

He swore and he cursed
As he rode out of sight,
Don't get too arseholed
But have a hell of a night.

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