I made a snowman.
It's been snowing all night. So ...
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 I made a snow woman.
8:17 My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified women everywhere.
8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:22 The transgender man...woman...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.
8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a burqua.
8:40 The police arrive saying someone has been offended.
8:42 The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.
8:43 The council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.
8:45 TV news crew shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply "snowballs" and am called a sexist.
9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.
8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am blindfolded and driven to the police station.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices...my children are arrested.
9:29 ISIS claimed responsibility.
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