INTERNET HUMOR PAGES

The Night Before Christmas, 2001
by David A. Tarr

Twas the night before Christmas,
and all thru my home
Not a creature was stirring,
not even my clone.

The test tubes were hung
by the burner with care,
In hopes that Saint Nicholas
soon would be there.

The androids were nestled
all snug in their beds,
while visions of mc2
danced in their heads.

My wife in her jumpsuit
and I in my vest,
Had just settled down
to some drug-induced rest.

When out by the labs
here arose such a clatter,
My bed woke me up
to see what was the matter.

Away to the window
I hastened my mass,
Tore open the blast shields
and threw up the glass.

The refraction of moonlight
thru the smog-ridden air,
Gave a luster of midday
to everything there.

When what to my bionic
eyes should appear,
But a mass-driven sleigh
with some strange landing gear.

With a quick little pilot,
a company man,
Who did what was asked
and followed the plan.

More rapid than phantoms
his coursers they came.
He impulsed his crewmen
and called them by name.

"Now Redox! Now Hewlett!
Now Quasar and Photon!
On Laser! On, Xerox!
on, Pulsar and Proton!"

"To the top of the dome
by the air intake vent.
Now dash away quickly,
before our fuel's spent."

So, up to the air vent
his coursers they flew,
With a craft full of toys
and Saint Nicholas, too.

And then, in a flash,
on the dome I did hear,
The scratching and scraping
of stout landing gear.

I steadied my blaster,
my chest to the ground,
And then, thru the air vent,
he came with a bound.

He was dressed in a three-piece
he'd rented near here.
(Why purchase an outfit
you wear once a year?)

A life support system
he wore on his back,
While the toys for the droids
he took out of his pack.

A bottle of synthroid
held in his hand.
(He was quite overweight
from a poor thyroid gland.)

He brought out the toys
that department stores sell;
The elves at the pole
could not make them as well.

He checked with the base ship
while doing his work,
And filled all the test tubes,
then turned with a jerk.

His anti-grav belt
was secure, I suppose,
And pressing the keys,
up the air vent he rose.

He sprang to his craft,
to the crew gave a shout;
The ship heaved a shudder,
then blasted them out.

But I heard him exclaim,
as he flew out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all,
and to all a good flight."

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